I Want Some ‘Soul’ Food

I found this old blog post from a year ago (on my other blog) and I thought "Wow!  I can relate!"  I felt so drained and empty after the Holidays.  I ran faster than I had strength and my cup 'runneth' on empty.  It was a fun reminder to see what things help fill my cup after it has been depleted.  

Here is the old post:  Enjoy!


January 3, 2010

The past month (and especially this week) have gone by in a blur… this holiday season was absolutely crazy for me. There were a lot of changes in my home and I had to move things around and CLEAN every room, closet, shelf, etc. Then the holidays were here and family came in to town. It was so fun to see them, but the house was a continual disaster – and I was continually trying to clean it. My husband is also trying to put together a new business venture and since I am the computer 'go-to-gal' in our family.. My job was to spend hours and hours and hours putting the business plan together for him. I have been working from the moment I get up… to the minute I lie down.. .I am exhausted.

Then I finally heard it… I heard a quiet crying within my soul. It was sad. It wanted to enjoy life. Many of the basic needs of this 'soul' were being neglected. At first, I didn't know how to fix this sad little soul… but the answer soon came. It started when I laughed at something funny.

My heart skipped a beat and I felt warm and tingly in my chest… "Okay, that was something I liked" I thought to myself

Then the next day I had to run an errand alone. As I sat in the car singing as loudly as I could, I felt it again. There was excitement in my heart and I could feel it spreading to every aspect of my body and mind. This was making me and my soul very happy. And finally today, I figured it all out.

My body was achey and I was feeling fatigued. I was craving a good workout or something to move my body. I went outside and breathed in the cool winter air while watching the sunset. I walked up and down the street listening to music as I went. When I got home, I turned on the music. I sang as loudly as I could… I danced as hard as I could… I acted silly and ran around like a monkey and danced the 'twist'. I laughed. I brought my children in with me and we have FUN!!

Happiness and joy quickly came flooding into my life again… and it all happened because I listened to my soul and learned what it wanted to be fed to be happy.

MY HAPPY SOUL FOOD LIST:

  1. Family
  2. Laughter 
  3. Music 
  4. Dancing
  5. Singing
  6. Silliness
  7. Enjoying the moment! 

MY SPIRITUAL SOUL FOOD LIST:

  1. Prayer
  2. Meditation
  3. Reading an inspiring book
  4. Scriptures
  5. Preparing a talk or lesson

I have only begun adding to my soul food list. I urge you to find yours.

Definition of Soul Food: Anything that brings you joy and connects you to the spirit that lies within yourself.

When Choosing is Hard

As you may know, I have been working on a book (actually 3 that build upon one another). I felt such divine inspiration for these books and then a couple months ago the inspiration just sort of halted. I kept moving forward and making a little progress but nothing was coming out right.

I have also been having a few family and financial struggles that have been a bit overwhelming. Feelings of failure and inadequacy keep creeping into my heart and mind. I’ll shake them off for a while but they keep coming back.

So I pray… I pray for help, guidance, strength, confirmation, comfort, miracles… and nothing. I have faith that everything will work out the way it should and in the time that God wants it to. I turn to the scriptures for guidance:

“Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you”

“Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?”

“…faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.”

I keep having faith… and keep having faith… and keep praying… and keep praying… and nothing – not even peace and comfort.

I have felt abandoned and ignored. Depression and hopelessness has started to creep in – feelings that I have not felt to this extreme in years. It has felt like someone is screaming in my face “Give up” “Who do you think you are?” “You can’t do it” “You are failing at everything” “No one wants to hear what you have to say” “Everyone else is loved in this world – but not you”

Last night was one of the worst. We live with my father and in the basement there is a room that we use for a playroom with all of the kid’s toys in it. Well, my brother is coming home from his mission and that is going to be his room. So we are deep cleaning all of the bedrooms and purging all the things we don’t use to make room for the things from the basement. Plus, my mom has been decorating for Christmas (which is HUGE and very messy) so there are little pine needles and other stuff ALL over the carpet. The carpet cleaners were going to come the next day, which was also my daughter’s birthday, and I was completely stressed. It was physically impossible for me to do all the things I would need to in time. I got frustrated and stomped out of the house barefoot and sat in the car.

I started to cry (more like wail) and pray. Admittedly, it wasn’t a nice prayer. I was hurt and angry and I felt alone. I asked things like “Why have I been left alone?” “Why are you not answering me?” “Do you love me? “Do you even care?” I was angry. I had been trying to do EVERYTHING God wanted me to do, so why have I been ignored?

I finally calmed down and went inside. I showered and put the kids to bed. I grabbed my scriptures (trying to find some peace or at least an answer) but nothing really stood out. I listened to my Ipod trying to find music to uplift me. Nothing was really answering my prayer. I turned out the lights, hopped in bed, and put my earphones back in so I could listen to relaxing music to put me to sleep.

All of a sudden, my Ipod skipped. It was strange because it skipped to something completely unrelated to what I was listening to. Even when I looked at the playlist that was still showing, that song was NOT on it. This was so strange, that I decided to listen to see what it said. Here are the words to that song:

Because I Love You
I got your letter [however, in my mind I heard prayer]
From the postman just the other day
So I decided to write you this song
Just to let you know
Exactly the way I feel
To let you know my love’s for real

Because I love you
And I’ll do anything
I’ll give you my heart, my everything
Because I love you
I’ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

If you should feel
That I don’t really care
And that you’re starting to lose ground
Just let me reassure you
That you can count on me
And that I’ll always be around

Because I love you
My heart’s an open door
…Won’t you please come on in
Because I love you
I’ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide
Because I love you
I’ll be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

Waves of love started to pour upon me. Tears flowed from eyes and I knew that God did care, and I was not alone, and that he loved ME very much.